11th November 2011

8th November
Hiya,
I know it's going to sound horrible, but Steven is getting really depressed with this hospital. Mainly because the hospital is a specialist brain damage unit. Although Steven has some interaction issues he's not half as bad as most of the people here. So, we're going to go home early i.e. Thursday afternoon instead of Friday. We think because he had such a good time in his own home, he wants more time there, quite understandable, he wants his old life back. He is already getting doubts about the success or failure of his hip operation, will the pain be gone? will he be able to walk better? He's got so many reasons to feel the way he does. We can only try to reassure him, but it's difficult. As we keep telling him, only time will tell.

11th November
well, life is still confusing!! We know we are to leave the hospital on 18th November, but now we have an appointment at the local hospital on 17th November! So unless we hear anything different from the hospital near Valencia we'll come home at last, late 16th November. We've had another meeting with Steven's doctors and we now know more about his hip operation. It seems as though he has to return to the Alzira hospital at a date to notified, and I'll stay with him in his room for 3 to 5 days, whilst Pauline stays at home. Whereas Steven handled his last lot of inconveniences in the early days at the hospital, he's not looking forward to this session of after care because he knows what's going to happen. He is getting more and more depressed, for all manner of justifiable reasons, and there's only so much motivation we can give before it gets a bit boring. The phrase he hates is "poco y poco" (little by little), and it's perfectly true. But after 12months of "poco y poco" on a daily basis it gets a bit wearing. On his own admission he's borderline to giving up, even at this late stage in his recovery. As I have said fully understandable, he's had to put up with so much, but as we keep telling him, he's still here, and there's lots of people worse off than him. He understands this, but it doesn't stop the numerous thoughts going through his mind. He still "hears" the accident in his dreams, he still feels bitter at being a victim of being sensible, he worries about his future, he remembers how he was, and he's still in pain. For us, we are beginning to forget the Steven we knew, and the Steven we have now is beginning to seem normal and almost acceptable, which it obviously isn't, it's all so sad. The doctors are suggesting that we also get some counselling now!! We're beginning to think perhaps they're right.
best regards
Terry