25th June 2012

180612 After all the successes of the last few weeks etc, I thought I'd tell you about one day this week. Firstly, after I had 'phoned Steven to wake him, he then lay-in, only to be woken by me knocking at his door. Having so harshly been woken up, he's half asleep, which makes him slower than normal. That's slower in his speech and walking, this then depresses him. I took him, late, to his physio', where he apologized and was rightly told "it happens". As I keep telling him, you don't need to have brain damage to forget something, or drop something, lose something, or lie-in, but despite all this he thinks it's his brain damage that causes this. I try to tell him it's normal, but it's difficult for him to see it like that. After picking him up an hour or so later, we go for his usual coffee with Baileys. By now his mood has brightened until he smiled and I saw some green in his teeth. He couldn't get it out, so I did and showed him. It was a huge piece of spinach from the previous night's pizza. This really upset him, knowing that people at the hospital would have seen this and not told him. He became depressed again, despite me saying that everyone makes silly mistakes. We then went shopping for odds and ends, and he saw a new ice-cream he wanted to try, so I said go for it, no problem treat yourself. In the middle of the large supermarket he just broke down in tears. I tried to make light of it but it's so hard. He really does try so hard and for the life of me I cannot see how he keeps going on, trying to be so positive against what seems to be insurmountable problems. 210612 I hope that this describes the amount of anger that I have towards the taxi insurance. Steven was very upset after he received a telephone call from the insurers asking to see him at Alicante the following day, i.e. without any adequate notice, so much so that the nurse at physiotherapy had to stop his treatment. I can understand insurers wanting to see Steven in the early days and a couple of weeks ago to check his progress, but why now so soon? Did the insurers honestly expect to see Steven come running up the stairs as if by some divine providence that he has been totally cured? The insurers have access to all of Steven's hospital and Doctor's reports. The insurers have seen Steven. The insurers can easily telephone San Jaime Hospital. Steven cannot hide his condition, we know any recovery will take a long time, so why the continual requests to see him, do they not trust the Doctor's reports and the evidence of their own eyes? We are all very angry and upset. 250612 The last week has been quite emotional. Steven has been told by the hospital staff that it is time for him to accept that he may never be the same as he was. Steven does actually know this because we've discussed it at length, but he doesn't like to face the truth. As he says, it hurts him to think how he was, and how he is now through no fault of his own. We've covered this so many times before, but it's hard for him to accept, and causes deep depression. On top of all that, this week he's had to contend with, what to him, has always been an important week in the past. This week in Spain is the festival of San Juan, and this involves lots of burning of incredibly made statues, bbq's on the beach, bonfires on the beach, jumping over the fires, lots of noise, dancing in a party atmosphere, and an amazing firework display. And all this happens on the Eve of his birthday. He cannot be in large crowds of people, he cannot walk or stand on the beach, he cannot stand for long periods, and despite an offer from friends to carry him to the beach he felt he could not demean himself to take the offer. It got to the point where he had a full-on breakdown. He's aware that everyone else has there own lives to live, but he feels very much alone. This is a constant worry for us as he spends more and more time on his own attempting to take care of himself, and we have to accept him when he says he has these outbreaks when on his own but not very often. We constantly reassure him that we're only a short distance from him at any time of day and night. Last year on his first release from hospital, to use his description, that wasn't him, and he didn't care about the festival, this year he has a lot of memory returning, and is gradually becoming "Steven", and so was deeply upsetting. As he says, he knows that getting better is going to take a long time, but he doesn't know how long, if he did, life would become much easier, because at the moment it's just going on and on with no real visible change. We too have to accept how Steven is, and it's equally bad and upsetting for us but we haven't got the accompanying pain that Steven has. His physiotherapy continues on all areas including speech therapy, psychiatry, and manipulation and massage. Best regards Terry